Ask for second-hand gifts without a disappearing wish

Agree that pre-loved is welcome first

Ask the child’s parent or the recipient before making second-hand the default. Some families welcome it for books and toys but prefer particular things new. Be specific about what is welcome, without turning the list into a rule about how much relatives should spend.

Try: “We’re very happy with pre-loved books and toys in good condition. The notes say which parts matter. Please ask us before choosing a different version, and there’s no need to buy anything.” A worn box may be fine; a missing game piece may make the present unusable.

Write the request independently of the listing

Put the title, model or edition in the wish itself. Add size where it matters, the essential pieces, acceptable condition and whether an alternative is welcome. “Any wooden train set” is a different request from “this set, with the bridge and all connectors”. Explain which one you mean.

Separate must-haves from nice-to-haves. For a board game, all playing pieces and readable instructions may be essential while the original box is optional. For a book, record the title, author and edition if the child wants a particular story or illustration style. Ask relatives to check age suitability and the manufacturer’s instructions for the actual item.

• Exact item or a similar one?
• Size, edition and essential parts
• Acceptable wear and anything to avoid
• When it is needed and who to ask

Add the stable wish by hand in Wishorium

Open Manage, then Add, and choose the by-hand option. Give the wish a clear name and put your specification in its note. A web link is optional: if you include one, describe it as an example listing and write when you last checked it. The wish should still make sense after that link disappears.

Share the wish book with the family. The giver can circle the wanted item before buying a suitable example elsewhere, so another relative knows it is being handled. Circling coordinates the wish; it does not reserve stock with a seller or prove a purchase or delivery. Use the example book below to try the family view.

When the example listing sells

Worked example: fictional, not a live offer: the wish is a wooden railway bridge with its two connecting ramps. The first example listing sells. The parent removes that link but keeps the wish and its specification. A relative finds another bridge, checks that both ramps are included, and asks whether its colour is acceptable before buying.

If the replacement meets the agreed specification, update the example link and last-checked date rather than adding a second wish for the same thing. If a relative has already circled the wish, ask that person first. If they cannot find a suitable item, they can take their circle off so someone else can help. Do not leave a promise hanging on a sold listing.

Baby safety needs a separate check

A low price or a tidy photograph does not settle a baby-product safety decision. The Lullaby Trust advises against second-hand car seats and generally recommends a new mattress for each baby. Its guidance also covers instructions, recalls, condition and safer sleep. Read the linked guidance before requesting or accepting those items, rather than using this gift card as a safety checklist.

For other gifts, check the exact product’s instructions and any current recall information. Ask for missing parts to be made clear before purchase. When you cannot establish that a product is suitable, choose a different gift.

Questions from grown-ups

Sources and useful reading

Checked 13 October 2026. Booking terms and product guidance can change; check the actual provider or product before you buy.

• The Lullaby Trust: second-hand baby products ↗
• GOV.UK: product safety alerts, reports and recalls ↗